Comme le présent, un fardeau plutôt qu'un bagage.

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Comme le présent, un fardeau plutôt qu'un bagage.

Samedi 27 janvier 2007 à 16:38

J'étais la seule alors à vouloir te protéger. Te serrer si fort que tu n'en voyais plus le monde extérieur qui te voulait tant de mal, te serrer à t'en briser les côtes. Forcer les sourires sur ton visage, effacer les marques d'inquiètudes, de colères, gommer l'une après l'autre les cicatrices qui imposent le souvenir meurtri de la chance que vous aviez. Te serrer toujours plus en attendant l'instant où nous ne ferions plus qu'un. Il n'est pas venu. J'ai du relacher mon emprise, me sevrer rapidement de cette drogue dure qu'était notre intimité. Et maintenant le bonheur ou le malheur ne compte plus. Juste cet élan qui fait que je me vois t'étouffant à nouveau parce que tu en as besoin. Toi ou moi. Ma fierté, mon orgueil, m'empêche de dire clairement que c'est le plus souvent moi qui suis dans la demande. Pourtant nous le savons très bien. Tu me fais ce cadeaux de faire semblant de douter alors qu'au fond de toi tu n'es pas dupe, et moi non plus.
Tentative de projection, vers cette vie brève qui a été la seule dans laquelle j'ai réellement existé parce que j'y croyais. L'espoir se transforme en souvenir. Comme le présent, un fardeau plutôt qu'un bagage.
Il n'y a pas de fin. Je ne veux pas en trouver une.

Enfant de mots

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